Why She Left at 1:53 PM

Question* I was introduced to a girl and we began dating. Everything was going well and I treated her as I believe a woman wants to be treated. Then without warning, she left me to return to her abusive ex-boyfriend. Why did she do this?
*This question is formed by Katie based on hearing the situation from a third party.

-Katie's Answer

Not knowing too much about the details of your situations gives me a certain handicap with this. So, I'm basing this strictly on what I know, which is not a lot.

Abuse is a touchy place to visit. Why does a woman stay? Because she's in love and is afraid to leave. Once she makes the decision to leave, the rest is usually easy-peasy.

But in your case, she got out of the abusive relationship, got something seemingly better and then left it to return to the abuser. Chances are, she and her abuser had a nice relationship at one point. I highly doubt she met him, he slapped her a few times on the first date and she fell in love. The emotional and physical abuse came much later. After she had already fallen for him.

"But she said she was done, and she liked me a lot."

I believe that she did like you. She wanted to like you more than she liked him. She even said it out loud to try and make herself believe it. Most women say these things to try and convince themselves that what they have is what they want. I know if I was in her shoes, I'd be embarrassed to admit that I'd rather be with an abusive man than a good one. She felt that she deserved to be abused. After all what kind of woman would want a bad guy over a good one? Not only was she dealing with abuse from her significant other, but from herself.

I'm sorry that you fell for a woman that's damaged. You can take a girl out of a situation, but you can't keep her away from it if that's where she wants to be. She needs to want to be helped. She needs to believe that she's worth it. And no gift, dinner, or kind words from a man will give her that self-assurance. It comes from within.

Good luck to you. You deserve happiness.

-Sean's Answer

Guess what? I'm going to be an asshole about this (SURPRISE!). First of all, I should inform everyone that I am the person that introduced this gentleman to the fucking moron he began dating. Ordinarily, I would excuse myself from being a part of answering this, but that was the end of my involvement in the situation so I feel totally at rights to have an opinion and answer the question. On we go.

Why did she do it? Umm... while the girl in question is not necessarily a friend of mine (a friend of a friend rather) she is an acquaintance. So, if she was on fire, I probably would piss on her to extinguish the flames. But this situation has lead me to drastically lower my respect for her as a human being. First and foremost, a man, no matter the situation, should ever be laying his hands on a woman. I have written in the past about the physical abuses that ex-girlfriends have rained down upon me like hellfire. I have never retaliated in a physical manner. In fact, I often walk right the fuck away and be done with the situation. So, for this girl to leave a committed, healthy relationship, to return to an abusive one, speaks volumes about her own mental and emotional health. Which is to say, it is non-existant.