Question* I was introduced to a girl and we began dating. Everything was going well and I treated her as I believe a woman wants to be treated. Then without warning, she left me to return to her abusive ex-boyfriend. Why did she do this?
*This question is formed by Katie based on hearing the situation from a third party.
-Katie's Answer
Not knowing too much about the details of your situations gives me a certain handicap with this. So, I'm basing this strictly on what I know, which is not a lot.
Abuse is a touchy place to visit. Why does a woman stay? Because she's in love and is afraid to leave. Once she makes the decision to leave, the rest is usually easy-peasy.
But in your case, she got out of the abusive relationship, got something seemingly better and then left it to return to the abuser. Chances are, she and her abuser had a nice relationship at one point. I highly doubt she met him, he slapped her a few times on the first date and she fell in love. The emotional and physical abuse came much later. After she had already fallen for him.
"But she said she was done, and she liked me a lot."
I believe that she did like you. She wanted to like you more than she liked him. She even said it out loud to try and make herself believe it. Most women say these things to try and convince themselves that what they have is what they want. I know if I was in her shoes, I'd be embarrassed to admit that I'd rather be with an abusive man than a good one. She felt that she deserved to be abused. After all what kind of woman would want a bad guy over a good one? Not only was she dealing with abuse from her significant other, but from herself.
I'm sorry that you fell for a woman that's damaged. You can take a girl out of a situation, but you can't keep her away from it if that's where she wants to be. She needs to want to be helped. She needs to believe that she's worth it. And no gift, dinner, or kind words from a man will give her that self-assurance. It comes from within.
Good luck to you. You deserve happiness.
-Sean's Answer
Guess what? I'm going to be an asshole about this (SURPRISE!). First of all, I should inform everyone that I am the person that introduced this gentleman to the fucking moron he began dating. Ordinarily, I would excuse myself from being a part of answering this, but that was the end of my involvement in the situation so I feel totally at rights to have an opinion and answer the question. On we go.
Why did she do it? Umm... while the girl in question is not necessarily a friend of mine (a friend of a friend rather) she is an acquaintance. So, if she was on fire, I probably would piss on her to extinguish the flames. But this situation has lead me to drastically lower my respect for her as a human being. First and foremost, a man, no matter the situation, should ever be laying his hands on a woman. I have written in the past about the physical abuses that ex-girlfriends have rained down upon me like hellfire. I have never retaliated in a physical manner. In fact, I often walk right the fuck away and be done with the situation. So, for this girl to leave a committed, healthy relationship, to return to an abusive one, speaks volumes about her own mental and emotional health. Which is to say, it is non-existant.
*This question is formed by Katie based on hearing the situation from a third party.
-Katie's Answer
Not knowing too much about the details of your situations gives me a certain handicap with this. So, I'm basing this strictly on what I know, which is not a lot.
Abuse is a touchy place to visit. Why does a woman stay? Because she's in love and is afraid to leave. Once she makes the decision to leave, the rest is usually easy-peasy.
But in your case, she got out of the abusive relationship, got something seemingly better and then left it to return to the abuser. Chances are, she and her abuser had a nice relationship at one point. I highly doubt she met him, he slapped her a few times on the first date and she fell in love. The emotional and physical abuse came much later. After she had already fallen for him.
"But she said she was done, and she liked me a lot."
I believe that she did like you. She wanted to like you more than she liked him. She even said it out loud to try and make herself believe it. Most women say these things to try and convince themselves that what they have is what they want. I know if I was in her shoes, I'd be embarrassed to admit that I'd rather be with an abusive man than a good one. She felt that she deserved to be abused. After all what kind of woman would want a bad guy over a good one? Not only was she dealing with abuse from her significant other, but from herself.
I'm sorry that you fell for a woman that's damaged. You can take a girl out of a situation, but you can't keep her away from it if that's where she wants to be. She needs to want to be helped. She needs to believe that she's worth it. And no gift, dinner, or kind words from a man will give her that self-assurance. It comes from within.
Good luck to you. You deserve happiness.
-Sean's Answer
Guess what? I'm going to be an asshole about this (SURPRISE!). First of all, I should inform everyone that I am the person that introduced this gentleman to the fucking moron he began dating. Ordinarily, I would excuse myself from being a part of answering this, but that was the end of my involvement in the situation so I feel totally at rights to have an opinion and answer the question. On we go.
Why did she do it? Umm... while the girl in question is not necessarily a friend of mine (a friend of a friend rather) she is an acquaintance. So, if she was on fire, I probably would piss on her to extinguish the flames. But this situation has lead me to drastically lower my respect for her as a human being. First and foremost, a man, no matter the situation, should ever be laying his hands on a woman. I have written in the past about the physical abuses that ex-girlfriends have rained down upon me like hellfire. I have never retaliated in a physical manner. In fact, I often walk right the fuck away and be done with the situation. So, for this girl to leave a committed, healthy relationship, to return to an abusive one, speaks volumes about her own mental and emotional health. Which is to say, it is non-existant.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Question Submitted:
Sean's Answer
Amanda,
Were you fucking drunk when you wrote this question? High? Seriously, give your head a shake. And hope no brains fall out. You dated me, so right off the bat we know you have piss poor taste in men. Piss. Poor. But fact of the matter is, I know you're an intelligent girl, in fact, one of the most intelligent women I have dated. But you do lack the common sense to make that intelligence the complete package. You're fairly sure your ex-boyfriend was cheating on you? And your still thinking about him? At this point, who gives a fuck? Why do you care? And what difference does it make, then or now? You're in a new relationship (Ms. Co-dependent) that you seem happy in, don't let past relationships dictate future ones (Unless said relationship was the one with me. Then, beware). It's totally normal to have questions about the past and what exactly went on, that's human nature to be inquisitive, especially when it involves whether or not a previous partner was faithful. But to allow that past to, in any way, affect a future relationship is un-fucking-healthy. Do you remember what I did when we split up? I walked the fuck away. Did I have questions? Sure. Did I want answers? Yes. But it wasn't worth jeopardizing a future relationship for. I suggest you follow my lead. It may hurt at times, it may piss you off at times, it may drive you insane, but leave the past out of your future. Otherwise your future will turn out the same as your past, through no fault of your current boyfriend. Oh yeah, and go get fucking tested while you're at it.
Liquor. And. Whores.
-Sean. Since 1980.
P.S. We know you have issues. That is apparent.
Katie's Answer:
Dear Manda,
Do you drive your car down the highway while facing backward? No! Do you know why? Because then you'll wreck from the front; where everything new is coming from. Whether we want to or not, we're always going to have some sort of feelings for previous significant other's. Right after a breakup happens, we tend to be really angry and upset over all of the bad things the person did to us. It actually damages a part of our emotions. The brain's natural reaction to this is to fix it; so it forgets the bad, and remembers the good.
Even after you wrote this, I'm wondering if you read it over. If not, do it now. Pretend you didn't write it.
You're telling me your boyfriend cheated on you with his ex most likely. Anyone that considers you to be second best is not worth your time or emotions.
There's nothing wrong with you. You're absolutely normal, you're a good person and probably are overwhelmed at times with the good times that you and your ex had.
Also, "does this mean I'm not in love with my boyfriend?"
No, it doesn't mean that, but I don't know how you feel about it. But simply because you're missing someone from the past a little isn't bad. It's okay to look to the past, but don't spend too much time there. You only have control over the future.
If you are have questions about your relationship now, I'd consider talking to your boyfriend. :)
Always. Move. Forward.
-Katie
Is it okay that I'm bothered by the fact my ex (he dumped me in Dec.) was cheating on me with his ex? I'm not 100% positive about this. I just know that right after we ended, he posted a pic of the two of them on his website. This pic was an old one, I think...about three months ago, he posted another pic of them, in the apartment he was forced to get when she kicked him out after cheating on him, over a year ago.(this is what he told me.) Am I crazy for thinking this? (Don't answer that part, Sean...I know your thoughts on the subject of my sanity.) And on a side note, does this mean I don't love my [current] boyfriend? *sigh* I have issues. Lol.
~Manda Renee~
Sean's Answer
Amanda,
Were you fucking drunk when you wrote this question? High? Seriously, give your head a shake. And hope no brains fall out. You dated me, so right off the bat we know you have piss poor taste in men. Piss. Poor. But fact of the matter is, I know you're an intelligent girl, in fact, one of the most intelligent women I have dated. But you do lack the common sense to make that intelligence the complete package. You're fairly sure your ex-boyfriend was cheating on you? And your still thinking about him? At this point, who gives a fuck? Why do you care? And what difference does it make, then or now? You're in a new relationship (Ms. Co-dependent) that you seem happy in, don't let past relationships dictate future ones (Unless said relationship was the one with me. Then, beware). It's totally normal to have questions about the past and what exactly went on, that's human nature to be inquisitive, especially when it involves whether or not a previous partner was faithful. But to allow that past to, in any way, affect a future relationship is un-fucking-healthy. Do you remember what I did when we split up? I walked the fuck away. Did I have questions? Sure. Did I want answers? Yes. But it wasn't worth jeopardizing a future relationship for. I suggest you follow my lead. It may hurt at times, it may piss you off at times, it may drive you insane, but leave the past out of your future. Otherwise your future will turn out the same as your past, through no fault of your current boyfriend. Oh yeah, and go get fucking tested while you're at it.
Liquor. And. Whores.
-Sean. Since 1980.
P.S. We know you have issues. That is apparent.
Katie's Answer:
Dear Manda,
Do you drive your car down the highway while facing backward? No! Do you know why? Because then you'll wreck from the front; where everything new is coming from. Whether we want to or not, we're always going to have some sort of feelings for previous significant other's. Right after a breakup happens, we tend to be really angry and upset over all of the bad things the person did to us. It actually damages a part of our emotions. The brain's natural reaction to this is to fix it; so it forgets the bad, and remembers the good.
Even after you wrote this, I'm wondering if you read it over. If not, do it now. Pretend you didn't write it.
You're telling me your boyfriend cheated on you with his ex most likely. Anyone that considers you to be second best is not worth your time or emotions.
There's nothing wrong with you. You're absolutely normal, you're a good person and probably are overwhelmed at times with the good times that you and your ex had.
Also, "does this mean I'm not in love with my boyfriend?"
No, it doesn't mean that, but I don't know how you feel about it. But simply because you're missing someone from the past a little isn't bad. It's okay to look to the past, but don't spend too much time there. You only have control over the future.
If you are have questions about your relationship now, I'd consider talking to your boyfriend. :)
Always. Move. Forward.
-Katie
Monday, July 6, 2009
- Who the hell are you?
We're Sean and Katie. Who the hell are you?
- Who gives you the right to answer our questions and claim them to be 'honest answers'?
The internet. God. Allah. Your Mom.
- Why are you doing this?
Because we're pretty sure we have enough experience between the both of us to answer any questions you might have. Also, we believe in laughing at your problems to make them a bit more bareable. If you're not laughing, we will. We just won't tell you.
- What kinds of questions can I ask?
Anything. We don't care. If you need an honest opinion, that's what we're here for. No questions are off limits.* It could be something as simple as "Is my boyfriend cheating on me?" to "Why does my girlfriend's vagina smell?" to "Where can I find AA meetings in my area?". We're here to help no matter how serious or embarrassing it is. We'll cover it all from penis size to computer/HTML questions.
- Is my identity protected?
Abso-freakin'-lutely.* We will not disclose your name on this site without your permission. Ever.
- How do I submit a question?
E-mail us at AskSeanAndKatie[at]gmail[dot]com
- Can I direct a question to just one of you to answer?
Sure. We can't guarantee that the other won't submit his/her opinion. We struggle for power, so our two-cents will be put in wherever it can be.
- Are Sean/Katie available to date?
Sean will have sex with anything with a vagina. He requires a clean bill of health from you
Katie requires a criminal background check before any dates are scheduled.
- How did the two of you meet? / Are you dating?
Katie was hookin' and Sean was lookin'. In all honesty, we met via MySpace. Katie found Sean's blog and praised his writing and criticized him for not replying to her comments. They soon fell in cyber-platonic-love and have been working together ever since. We are not dating each other. We are both convinced that we are too compatible.
*any questions involving engaging in any lewd or criminal acts against a minor will be taken seriously and be turned over to proper authorities. However, if you are trying to find help overcoming such obsessions, we'll do our best to point you in the right direction.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
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